Quote of the Day

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
— Lord Byron

Verse of the Day 

. . .a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 
— Ecclesiastes 3:4

And then. . . 

"The Sandwich"

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. 

"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"

—Unknown

Last update: 3/9/00